Cro Magnon loves his big screen tv. He loves his chair (that I bought – Pottery Barn Basic – worn and permanently darkened because that’s where Cro Magnon likes to rest his paws at the end of the day. Or in the beginning of the day. Whatever.)
He loves his big screen so much, he’s got three remotes for it.
Three.
One goes to the big screen itself. One goes to the dvd player connected to the big screen. A third goes to the sound bar connected to the big screen.
It’s gotta be a guy thing. Because I don’t know any woman who would waste her time or money on three remotes. Maybe I’m wrong.
I don’t think so.
We just don’t have time for all that. There’s tinkering. Turn-ons. All that button pushing. He loves it. Gives him something to do, I guess.
So, the other night, we settle in to watch a movie. The kids are sleeping over at their aunt’s, so we have a night to ourselves. So we put in the movie Skyfall. Cro Magnon is very excited. He loves James Bond. He loves James Bond gadgets. He gets his “home theater” ready. “Watch this,” he says. He clicks at the screen. Widescreen. Super wide. Regular. Wide. Super wide. Regular. Wide. Super wide. Regular. Sorry to repeat. But he did this. Nine times. Because he likes pushing buttons. He thinks he’s James Bond with a gadget. He finally settles on widescreen. So when Daniel Craig enters Shanghai on his gondola, I can see half his head. Cro Magnon likes this. Because it’s big. And to Cro Magnon, it is good. Whatever.
Then, Cro Magnon says again, “Watch this.”
This time he has to get up. To turn on the sound bar. But he can’t figure it out. He’s got the sound coming from another channel. Fox News, I think. And I have to tell him four times that, no, that’s not the movie.
This occupies Cro Magnon/James Bond for a good 20 minutes.
“WTF,” he howls.
I just smile.
Because I don’t bother with that shit. Life is complicated enough. And I like shit to be as simple as possible. So we watch Skyfall. Sans soundbar. Poor Cro Magnon.
Skyfaaaaaaall.